I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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