I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
