when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
