I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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