Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
