Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
