he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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