Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
