the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
