i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
