I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
