What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
