Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
