i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
