Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
