Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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