Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
