We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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