so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
