There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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