The maid of honor just puked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
