If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
