Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
