you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
