I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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