Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
