There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
