Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
