Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
