Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
