I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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