Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
where does the pee come out of this thing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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