There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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