Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
