Whod you bang
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
