Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
