Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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