I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
