i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
