I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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