Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
