would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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