Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
