Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
