My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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