I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
