Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
