I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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