He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
