Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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