I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
