I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
