There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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