Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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